AITA for refusing to take in my in‑laws?
The “Family Meeting” that Turned Into a Full‑Time Job Offer
It all started with a family meeting that was supposed to be a heart‑warming sit‑down. The three brothers—Henry, Frank, and the ever‑thought‑out‑of‑the‑box you—decided to gather all the siblings, their wives, and a very eager (and apparently under‑paid) mother‑in‑law for a chat about where the elderly parents should live now that they can’t survive the great outdoors alone.
You: 37, a stay‑at‑home mom with a nursing background and a weekend‑a‑month “just‑in‑case” practice.
Husband: 38, your partner in crime and the one who loves the house you both built.
Henry & Frank: 40 and 43, each with a spouse and two kids, and a very specific idea of “big house, big responsibilities.”
The brothers suggested that you and your husband should become the in‑law headquarters. They pointed to your huge house, the extra in‑law apartment, and the fact that your wives both work—because apparently, a full‑time job is the best thing to do while babysitting grandparents.
You, however, had a different plan. The mother‑in‑law is a real nightmare—never kind, only visits twice a year, and you’ve decided that your kids should never see her. Nursing homes? Assisted living? Cost? “Not an option.” So, you politely (and with a hint of sarcasm) declined and offered a phone line for moral support.
Your husband agreed but admitted it felt a little harsh. The brothers are now on a “no‑talk” list, claiming you’re the “AH who’s going to put them in a bad spot.” And so the question remains: Am I the asshole?
What the Comments (and the Internet) Think
Below are the distilled thoughts from the Reddit community, rephrased for your reading pleasure.
| Commenter | Take‑away |
|---|---|
| NTA (Not the Asshole) | “You’re not the bad person. Your husband should have been the spokesperson. You’re doing the right thing by setting boundaries.” |
| OP Needs Input | “The expectation that you’d be the sole caregiver was unfair. It’s not just about your willingness; it’s about the burden.” |
| NTA + Budget Reality | “Assisted living isn’t cheap, but the brothers could split costs. Plus, the parents’ Social Security, retirement, or a house sale could cover it.” |
| Unpaid Labor of Women | “Why expect women to take over all the caregiving? It’s surprising that the only solution offered was for a wife to stop working.” |
| Karma Time | “You’ve stood your ground. They can explore low‑income senior housing or Medicaid nursing homes if they can’t afford assisted living.” |
TL;DR
You’re not the asshole. The brothers made an unrealistic demand and blamed you when you set reasonable boundaries. If they can’t afford assisted living, they should look into low‑income senior housing or Medicaid options. And if you’re ever in doubt, just remember: a mother‑in‑law who’s never been kind is not worth a full‑time job.
“Family: Because no one ever told you the truth about who’s going to do the laundry.”