AITAH for refusing to confront my best friend about her behavior at her house instead of mine?
So, picture this: I’m a responsible adult with a fiancé and a decent apartment. My best friend, bless her, is a licensed, car‑owning, “I can drive myself” type who somehow thinks she’s a mobile vending machine for meds and groceries. Every time she needs something, she’s like, “Can you guys take me to the pharmacy?” or “Can you pick me up from the store?” and she never lifts a finger. She can drive herself, but apparently she can’t drive herself to my house either. I’ve been politely telling her, “Hey, I’m busy, but I love you and hope you have a good day.” The next night, she texts me: “TLDR: we need to talk.” I reply, “Sure, let’s talk in person.” She says, “Fine, I’ll come over.” I say, “Nah, you’re welcome to drop by my place (30 seconds away).” She declines. The saga continues over the weekend, with me offering her my place again and again, her declining, and her claiming the conversation is getting “too long” to have.
By Monday, I’m feeling like the person who’s been taken advantage of for weeks. I’m frustrated, I’m giving her grace, and I’ve stopped replying to her dismissive “K” because I’ve decided to put my own boundaries first. The question on everyone’s mind: Am I the asshole for refusing to go to her house to have this conversation?
YTA
You want to have the conversation. You want to have it in person.
You should stop being passive‑aggressive and just go over, or fucking call her.
I get that the issue is always going to her place, but you're actively making the situation worse because you won't take the steps to have the conversation YOU want to have.
I get your frustration as you are right - you are being taken advantage of. However, you actions RIGHT NOW make YTA.
You are stringing her along being vague and passive‑aggressive. “We need to talk.” “It's not that serious.” “We're being taken advantage of.” Well in my world, that is a serious conversation. Then you're adding conditions for the conversation to even take place.
Have the talk regardless of location and set your boundaries after this talk has been had. This conversation can be had in either location and doesn't even need to be in person.
From your description, it sounds like she has some anxiety around travel. You're not responsible for managing her anxiety, but it's unkind to leave someone hanging like this. Have the conversation, even over the phone if you must.
YTA. This feels super passive/aggressive to me. Go to her place and have the conversation since you want to have it in person. After that, you can decline to go over.
She may have a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to be at your place, btw. Cats, dogs, mess, etc. Won’t know until you ask.
And you're also lying to her. You are, in fact, upset with her.
YTA. You keep saying it’s not serious but it clearly is. You want her to come to you to prove a point instead of just having the conversation on neutral ground or literally anywhere. You’re trying to win, and it’s not working.
ESH. If it's serious, don't say it isn't and then text a TLDR. Have a flipping conversation.
TL;DR
Friend keeps asking you to run errands, you politely refuse to be her personal concierge, she insists on you coming to her place for a “non‑serious” talk, you keep offering your house like a charity, and now you’re the asshole for being the responsible adult who says “no.” The moral: just go to the conversation or at least call her—don’t let the drama turn into a sitcom episode titled “The Great Apartment Negotiation.”