What is truly a victimless crime?

Ever wondered where the line between “just a harmless prank” and “a federal offense” actually lies? Reddit’s own court of public opinion just handed out a verdict in the form of five delightfully absurd comments. The original poster’s question—“What is truly a victimless crime?”—prompted everything from questionable mail tactics to Texas’ bizarre dildo limits. Below, we unpack the hilarity, add a few extra jokes, and then let the comments do the heavy lifting for themselves.

The “Crime” That Isn’t Really a Crime

1. Illegally recording a football game
   “Taping a football game without the written consent of the NFL lol”
   If you think the NFL is watching, remember that every time you film a Sunday afternoon, you’re just one legal clause away from a lawsuit that could end your career—and your weekend.

2. Mail‑in mischief
   “Placing an unposted letter or thank‑you card in your neighbor’s mailbox rather than sending it through US Mail.”
   Nothing says “I love you” like a surprise card that never actually makes it to the mailbox. The USPS will never know, but your neighbor might.

3. The Texas dildo dilemma
   “Owning too many dildos. It’s an actual crime in Texas to own more than three dildos or something like that – but who are you hurting? Oh no, somebody might pleasure themselves with silicone and glass, oh no, the horrors!”
   In a state where even the furniture is built to last, owning a fourth silicone toy could land you in a courtroom. The question isn’t why it’s illegal—just how you’ll get out.

4. The “seventh” dildo saga
   “They can have my seventh dildo when they pry it from my cold, dead, ass!”
   If you’re a victimless crime enthusiast, you’ll want to know that the law doesn’t care about your personal storage space. Just bring a bag of legal excuses.

5. The legislative session of the “four or more dicks”
   “This is likely due to sunshine laws since in Texas the gathering of four or more dicks in one room constitutes a legislative session.”
   If you’re planning a party with a lot of “dicks,” you might need to file a formal request with the state.

TL;DR

When you think you’ve found the perfect victimless crime—like taping a football game or sneaking a thank‑you card into a mailbox—Texas will step in and remind you that owning too many dildos might be the real offense. The universe loves a good punchline.

Taping a football game without the written consent of the NFL lol
Placing an unposted letter or thank you card in your neighbor’s mailbox rather than sending it through US Mail.
Owning too many dildos. It's an actual crime in Texas to own more than three dildos or something like that - but who are you hurting? Oh no, somebody might pleasure themselves with silicone and glass, oh no, the horrors!
They can have my seventh dildo when they pry it from my cold, dead, ass!
This is likely due to sunshine laws since in Texas the gathering of four or more dicks in one room constitutes a legislative session.