Please stop spraying that!
I work in a cube farm, the kind of office space where people pretend the plastic walls are real and the fluorescent lights are just a nice ambient glow. The section I usually occupy is currently under renovation, so the office gods have tossed me to a new desk for a while. It’s a fresh start—until the second day, when the real horror begins.
I have allergies, which means I cough sometimes. As a responsible adult, I cover it with a tissue or my hands. I’m not a toddler who just drops the whole world in my face. I try to be polite, but then every time I or anyone near me coughs, a coworker—let’s call her “The Lysol Whisperer”—sighs, grabs her aerosol can, and unleashes a cloud of disinfectant like a fireworks show. She sits directly in front of my cubicle, so it’s like a personal “you’re not going to survive this day” zone.
Sneeze. Cough. Sniffle. Boom! Lysol. I’m not even staying at that desk permanently, but I have no clue how anyone tolerates that. It’s rude, it’s gross, and it’s basically a chemical assault on my lungs. I tried to explain that I’m just allergic and not sick, and she replied, “I don’t care, it’s gross.”
I’m thinking of counter‑spraying with fart spray or old‑lady perfume just to balance the scale, but I keep telling myself that this is just a temporary situation.
The Comments (in the style of a cheezburger‑inspired roast)
“How has she been allowed to get away with that nonsense? I'd ask to be moved ASAP.”
Because apparently her spray is her magic wand and the office is a Hogwarts of disinfectant.
“I know a person at work like this. She gets away with it because she's been there 30+ years, and unfortunately, she works in a small department where she knows her stuff and everyone else doesn't (including the manager). This allows her to basically do and say what she wants, whenever she wants. It sucks that she's only in her mid 50's. No retirement in the near future.”
The eternal office legend: the 30‑year veteran who’s turned the cubicle into a chemical hazard zone.
“I’d definitely report her. That’s not healthy at all, and she shouldn’t be forcing you to breathe that crap just because she’s a bloody germaphobe.”
Because every workplace needs a superhero who’s willing to fight the chemical dragons.
“I would ask to be moved. That stuff is going in your lungs! She might not care who it affects, but you’re allowed to care about it affecting you.”
A gentle reminder that your lungs are not a public restroom for Lysol enthusiasts.
“Waaaaaack, wish I could confront her for you lol.”
The classic “I’d love to be your bodyguard, but I’m allergic to Lysol.”
TL;DR
Someone keeps spraying Lysol like a chemical confetti cannon in a cramped office. You’re allergic, you’re coughing, you’re not a toddler, and yet your coworker thinks she’s entitled to spray her way to a germ-free utopia. Time to ask for a move, a report, or a good old-fashioned fart spray showdown. 🚫🦠💨