Skip to main content

AITA for refusing to be my brother's live‑in maid after he dropped out of college?

· 3 min read

So here’s the drama: my dad passed away a few years back and the house suddenly turned into a man‑of‑the‑house playground for my brother. He quit college (no big deal—he was never a big “smart” guy, so why bother?), works construction, and occasionally fixes our cars, does a bit of plumbing, or whacks a cabinet into place. He calls that “helping with the bills.”

One sunny afternoon, I stroll back from a three‑lecture marathon (plus a lab, because nursing school hates the easy life) and find him elbow‑deep in a cabinet. The first thing he says, with the smugness of a man who has just fixed a broken part of the house:

“The sink is full. Why didn’t you do the dishes? It’s been two days!”

I shoot him back, “I always do my dishes. Those are literally yours and Mom’s. I’m not your maid.”

Cue the guilt‑trip. He launches into a full‑blown emotional manipulation routine:

  • “I just came home from a 13‑hour day, fixed this junk, Mom works six days a week. The least you could do is clean the house and do the dishes.”
  • “You’re a leech.”

I remind him I’m juggling nursing finals, not a full‑time cleaning crew. He snaps, “Typical females of this generation. I’ll do the dishes. Go to the mechanic next time. Don’t come to me again.”

I ignored him, retreated to my room, and later received a bank transfer request for $600 with a note: “Brake and oil change. Parts and labour.”

Context check: I’m third in the house, doing my one‑third share: kitchen and bathroom clean‑up two to three days a week. I’m studying nursing; he dropped out of business school; Mom rarely defends me and treats him like an angel. I’m exhausted, plan to move out once I finish my degree and can afford it.

TL;DR: Brother thinks a few car repairs every few months earns him the right to boss me around and charge me for his “services.” I’m studying nursing and can’t be his maid. Am I the asshole?

Community Rants (Reddit style)​

“I think we’re missing some important context when it says he pays some of the bills. That leaves the impression it’s minor stuff like gas or the phone bill, as opposed to rent. It’s a hell of an omission to leave out that he provides roughly a hundred bucks a week allowance to you. And it’s also not relevant to keep harping on him dropping out of college. You going for a degree doesn’t make you better than him, or mean that studying for a nursing degree is harder than a full‑time job in construction that sometimes has 13‑hour days. So YTA.”

“He’s also giving her money as she says she can’t take on a part‑time job… So he dropped out to work and is the reason she can continue her own studies.”

“You should put YTA in your comment so OP can see it.”

“I wonder if mom could not afford mortgage AND OOPs tuition when dad passed… so brother dropped out to help OOP stay in school. And if that is in fact the case—maybe mom and brother need to sit her down and give her a little education on gratitude.”

“YTA. Too many bullet points missed in your story, OP.”

Note: all usernames omitted for comedic effect.